This is plain writing. No acerbic wit here.

 

Darling Clitoria and the rest of the D!vAS,

 

I’m really sorry that I'm not footing back the amount of words that you have put forward to me. Really, I pondered over them and have felt that whatever you sent me really made sense. So here I am, me, up close and personal, writing to you, darling Clitoria.

 

Clitoria, your name says it all. Shrouded in mystery, your keel petals make you seem somewhat untouchable, yet fragile. O, I have yet to understand you through and through, dissect you and cut you up, exposing your tender inner emotions. I guess they will never come to light. People have the same problem with me. No one seems to have been able to peel away my epithelial layer, not to mention ravish my spongy mesophylls loaden with emotion. All they see are air spaces-my outer bimbotic demeanor. You, my dear Clitoria, have come the closest. I owe you bigtime.

 

I'm really no angel, especially as of late. Yes I have noted, as you highlighted, that my behavior is everything short of exemplary. To sum it all up, I am loud, brash and definitely not the docile fag that that I used to be in lower sec, not even daring to mention the f word, bless me. I was after all, young, innocent and foolish. It was then, that I had already gotten close to you people-my friends.

 

Time, has weathered me down to the person I now am. No longer the innocent little being that I used to be. Honestly, it was really awkward for me during the years behind. It was uncomforting growing up in a world, where no one seemed to be quite like you, or even vaguely similar. I felt out of place, yet something within me told me to never conform, to never give in to what everyone else was doing, let alone how everyone else was behaving. It was you people who did not leave me, but rather stuck by me. The majority of 2A did anyway, except those people who I was never close to in the first place.

 

Anyone in the right mind would have shunned me, gone far far away, as if I were a leper. It was blatantly a cause of guilty by association, but, essentially, no one ever did discriminate, or even try to avoid me. Special mention goes out to darling Clitoria, Damita Jo, Area, Nashi, Lydia Kang and Ziyi. You all have stood the test of time, and we, against all odds, being branded and labeled and pigeon holed as a group of 2A _____s (add in derogatory term deemed relevant), we still stuck together, ever as strong, resilient. Trust me, it was me who caused the group to be branded as of the above, and you all know that.

 

In this day and age, I have to say that I have essentially become stronger. Someone, I shan’t mention who, can no longer accept me for who I am, and therefore decides to shun me and hang around Benjamin. So be it. If you are ashamed of me, then go away. I really don’t want to cause you anymore inconvenience. But clearly, you people have never left me. Even when on countless attempts, when I seem utterly depressed and drenched in dark thought and try to walk away, it was you all who called me back, all in the light of Trenyce’s “Let’s Stay Together”. We depended on each other after all.

 

Essentially, none of us is perfect. I know that this may seem like a little corny cliché but really it is true. I must say that, however, I have more flaws than any of you. Believe me.

 

I have to keep my ways in check. Yes at time, I seemed to be possessed by the spirit of a wily vixen. Bitchy and cunning, snide and vindictive, but it was definitely circumstance that made me behave as such. I tend to hurt back. I have a vengeance, and a rather vicious one as that. Essentially, my ways are my only demons and some day they might catch up with me. I do understand.

 

I know that I will watch my tongue from now on. I seem to be singing, as of late, tunes to the like of the f-word and blurting out stuff that’s supposed to never be mentioned. I know that I’m one hell of a bitch if I choose to be one, but I will never turn on you guys. There’s too much at stake if it’s me against the music. Friendships would be put on the line. riendships that had taken years to mature into sweet fruit to enjoy, and to cherish. (Reminds me of Mango Season…) To a certain extent, I must admit that I’m attention seeking.

 

I enjoyed the times of long ago when we used to form our own groups and put up lavish and extravagant little plays during class, times when we crowded around Miss Heng to ask her questions. The potlatch, The very bloody street theatre, Judge Maggie. Clitoria’s really long script of the mental institution and rape (mature themes even at sec 2!) during street theatre and the rampant female characters that now I’m so mortified at. We loved the times when we did up the class room notice board to make it look like the best thing in the world and the potlatch, where we sand and made exotic masks and me having to tape fake red fingernails onto my hands. Hen we watched movies together, like the ones Damita Jo would treat us to. The MTV Asia Awards and all the time we spent together, whether as a whole group or not.

 

Here’s what I’ve got to say to all of you, even some things about the people this letter is not addressed to:

 

Clitoria Chiang: Too much to say that words cannot express. You clearly have not given up on me. I must admit that I wasn’t very friendly with you at first but our friendship became stronger with time. But as of late, it’s being tried by the dumb things I do and your misunderstanding to a certain extent. We have our demons. To me, we’re quite alike. The only difference being that you act very much cleverer than I do. I’m a ditz, as I like to portray myself. I know that you say that I’m too diva, but I’m not snobbish. If my character can be deemed as colourful, I would only call yours melodramatic. You’re more diva than me, darling, in the true sense of the word. O, yes, you definitely are more moody than me, but hey, we are moody people after all.

 

Damita Jo: We fought during the early years when you were way bitchier, and so was I. But over time, our differences somehow seemed to disintegrate. You try to pull us together, ever so often, and I really appreciate that. Somehow, I seem to be the only bitchy one left since you’ve mellowed out. But I will be bitchy for not much longer. It’s just not what I want at this pint of time. You think of the most incredulous and outrageous ideas. I just love that.

 

Ziyi: So near, yet so far. We enjoy good movies and good music. You love playing music while I simply hate playing the piano. Oh well, I must say that you are definitely a supporting person. Your morals are really lofty too. I’m way below. I loved those grasshoppers you made with grass anyway.

 

Nashi: We fight. And fight. And fight. You bitch and so do I. I insulted your parents. And you got upset. I insulted you, and you got upset. You insulted me, and I got upset. You claimed that I was really bimbotic. No one got upset. Recently however, we seem to be getting on quite well. Hehe.

 

Area Choong: Cute Alan, I like to call you. You never eat much. A tired soul? I don’t really know. But I know that you’re really friendly and kind. You are mature for your size. I don’t know, but I think you’re really nice anyway. Oh yes, I do know that you’re really careful about what you say, a difficult thing for a person like me to pick up as I always have to have my say. I shoot from the hip and basically, it’s no holds barred straight talking from me.

 

Jonathan: A nice all-rounded Catholic boy. You read hard books that I pretend, in my character, not to even understand the title, such as, ironically, Understanding Einstein. I don’t know but I feel that ever since you’ve got Glen as your …errr…good friend, you haven’t quite seemed to treat me properly. Am I a dog? If so, I’d like to ask you to bitch off. No no…don’t get me wrong. I do get  back at you in my little ways, such as telling you the next survivor to be voted off and spoiling it for you and saying things that irritate the hell out of you. In return, you blackmail me, but usually fail (thank god I’m openly ga…). Are you gay? Don’t worry, I don’t quite like your nutrisse kind. Just curious…You and errr….him? You seem really close.

 

The 2D people: I guess we don’t really know each other, even if I understand that you usually frequent this place. Would like to know you all better.

 

Aloysius: Nice, superficial, hi-bye friendship. Get to know you better? Or am I too shallow…

 

Kenny: Loud, but funny. The same kind of distasteful humour that I like to have. Well, you may seem insensitive at times. One thing though, you don’t quite qualify as bitchy, just a little pain in the ass sometimes. You’re rather nice anyway. I love it.

 

Joel: You’re nice and friendly.

 

Benjamin: PAIN. I’ll get back at you, someday, for all that you’ve yet to do to me.

 

Alan: Really nice guy. Really wonderful at EQ and remembering dates. Sensitive and kind. It’s wonderful talking to you.

Chongren: It’s fine if you are ashamed of me. Just leave. I’m a nothing more than a dog anyway. Even if we are no longer___________, I feel that we could still be friends at least. It was you that broke everything. My attempts at renewing friendship, everything. It’s your own doing. I’ve tried, but I’ve sunk too low. I’ve gotten over you already. Go do whatever you want with Benjamin. I don’t give a fuck. You were nice, even if now, I just think that you are elitist, selfish and nasty, insensitive, mean. Let’s just say that you look at the wind and change your sails. It could just be me thinking that…

 

Liansheng: A saint I sit next to in Geography. You’re like a nice Robin.

 

I’ve said my peace. Bye.

 

Ryan