This entry contains strong language, gross ideas, wrong morals and homosexual innuendo. Parental viewing not advised. Not for pregnant women/cows or the faint hearted either.

I have to say that today is nothing less than fragmented. Shattered, like glass, put artfully put together again-stained.

Mellowing out, throughout the course of the day, I was. Talking less, thinking more-about the deplorable state that I’m in. I look like a freak! My nails are not done, hair not tended too, not clean shaven. I’m so bloody unglam, yet too lazy, bothered and tired to do anything. I’m such an unproductive, procrastinating helluva bitch. Fuck myself!

You know about those tubes that you put up your rectum to like detox yourself by pumping some strange fluid up your arse and thus forcing the shit out, the idea is just sooo damn gross. I can’t imagine putting plastic tubing up my arse (I’d bigger things put up my arse anyway…), but the idea of flushing shit out is just gross! Guess what? I went to someone’s house today and saw all the apparatus, which happened to belong to my friend’s mother in law. It’s so gross, not that it was dirty (it was laid out in the toilet, washed and dried, but the idea just gave me the chills. I don’t know about you, but it’s just gross! I recall reading in the newspaper some years ago about this Indonesian maid doing it incorrectly and puncturing her rectum, then it led to infection and the whole thing became putrid and pussy. Her employers found out when she fainted one day from the infection (apparently she was washing her panties like crazy prior to this) and sent her to hospital, where she had part of her large intestine removed and she can no longer go to the bathroom properly. It’s just so fucking gross. I won’t allow any of that arse sucking plastic tubing anywhere near me from now on. It’s just disturbing. I need therapy!

Reuben is apparently getting delusional. Halfway through watching the new Beyonce video “Naughty Girl” he suddenly told me that he wanted to marry a woman like Courtney Love. I said that it is indeed wonderful to have such aspirations…at least they are straight aspirations and not something like having oral sex with another guy…that’s just…errr…me?

My depressive state yesterday has transformed me into a more quiet self. I go around keeping my trap more shut than usual and have started the super model trend of pouting, and giving that bitch sulk look. How sluttish for a day after depression.

Cheng Chai is such an inspiration. I feel that what he says really makes so much sense. I just love that diva. He wrote this really long email to me which I must say, was extremely meaningful. Now, since I’m in a more stable emotional state, I guess I will reply him soon. And yes, we need to fix some things up. I’ve been such a bitch. I know. I ought to be gang raped and stoned to death. I’m so sorry. I’ve just been selfish and too caught up in too many things. I wish I could have all the time in the world then we can go down to the Botanical Gardens for a long chat about stuff, only problem being I don’t have the time.

Fixing up some business proposals for suntec city. Really busy as they’re due out tomorrow.

PS: I’m past depression. However, I’ll be a little less bitchy and less in your face for the time being. Maybe I’ll just be a wallflower for a while. I’m too lost in myself currently. CONFUCKED- confused and fucked up. Yes, that is what describes me now.