“…those who are taking the test, the testes…” E Foo, on 6 April 2004, as she laughs hysterically at her own joke.

I don’t know if its stress, but lately I think I’m going Ballistic: Me versus Myself…again…and I think my eating disorder is back.

If I were a woman I’d probably be the type that saggy fondly mentions of, namely, the kind that menstruates twice a year, each time lasting an entire week. Very poor thing you know…anyway, I’d attribute it totally to my diet. It’s called the Meatitarian Type 1 Superbingeing.

Here’s today’s menu:

Breakfast: Chocolate Rice donut. Felt nauseous afterwards in bus as stomach not used to such rich food.

Recess: Guilt ridden. Felt nauseous and hungry but could not bring self to eat.

Lunch: Mee Siam and qoo. Feeling even more nauseous as sudden surge of blood sugars. Experiencing worse stomach ache and inclination to vomit.

Tea: Too sick and weak to eat.

Dinner: wake up with stomach begging for nutrition. Could no longer control hunger pangs and was already very weak. So ate 1 Whooper Junior, fries, sprite, water, rice, chicken stew, strange Chinese soup. Oreos, strawberry milk, 1 bar of chocolate and 2000mg of vitamin c.

UI probably will feel sick tomorrow. Hopefully my Primary six and sec 1 bout of anorexia does not come back. I’d be way too weak to walk and be sentenced to a living hell of eternal nausea and dehydration. My doctor says it’s very psychological, which implies that I’m mad. But that’s not the issue, but rather, I must stop bingeing right away if I am not going to get the stupid disorder again. My mother says I’ll die and that if I were pregnant, I’d kill the baby (delusional thinking of propensity to bear offspring), while I reached for a can of Tiger Beer from the fridge to wash down all that gross food and sleep it away. I can see that the past has come back to haunt me. But hey, feeling guilty about food saves me money.

Chong Ren hasn’t called me. Lian Sheng says I shouldn’t talk to him and I’m currently behind a firewall (very much like my msn messenger). If he wants to remain like this it’s totally fine.

And B*nj*m*n, I don’t give you half a fuck! I’m one who speaks my mind and definitely does not mince words. Approach me if you want to verify the current fucked up impression I have of you. Anyway, I wish you all the best in trying to accumulate as many marks as you can. How noble. BITCH.